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My first encounter with my freshman year roommate was a phone call in mid July. “Hey, Annemarie? This is Casey, your roommate for next year.” I had received a piece of paper with her name, address, and telephone number on it that day and was eager to speak to my future cohabitant. I found out a few minutes into the conversation that she would be going by “Anne” in college instead of Annemarie, even though she had gone by her full name her entire life. We arrived at school in August and Annemarie did, in fact, introduce herself to everyone as Anne, correcting people if they had her listed as Annemarie or referred to her by her former title. She immediately corrected the name that had been written by our Resident Advisor on a paper cut out animal posted on our dorm room door. In my first couple weeks at school I encountered a couple “name-changers.” One boy had gone from Chris to now being only called Christian, and a good friend of mind from home, Katie, announced to all her new college friends that she was now just to be called “Kit.” I found this sudden title changing somewhat odd, but I thought that it was maybe because my name did not come with a full name and nickname option. The opportunity to change your name is just one minor example of the array of possibilities and the freedom of choices that going away to college presents to someone. I remember realizing back in August that for the first time I was not living under my parents’ rules and would no longer have their opinions influencing me every day. I would be making decisions by myself, without the implicit or direct advisement of my mother and father. I started to wonder if the person that I had always been, and was proud to be, would change because of these new freedoms. I had always held strong to my beliefs and virtues, but I also had my family as an immediate backbone of support. The decision was now completely mine to make how late I wanted to stay out and with whom I would spend most of my time. Even things like where I stood on a political or cultural issue would not be tainted by my parents’ views anymore. Many new college freshmen did not handle this newfound freedom well and ended up making some very poor choices. Some of who I thought to be the most unexpected people to mishandle their freedom ended up in the hospital or very compromising situations because of poor judgment, probably because they were overwhelmed by the new opportunities they were being exposed to. I encountered many kids thriving on their freedom during the first weeks of school, many, unfortunately, in deleterious ways. There were the kids who just could not go out at night without passing out or throwing up at the end of the evening, or the ones who could not make themselves stay in if they knew there was something social going on. I spoke with a few kids like this who told me that they never really drank in high school and were always pretty tame, mainly because they lived in very strict households under stringent rules. Now, free to do what they pleased at college, it seemed that many were “making up for lost time.” I remember kids at home who never really went out that much, hardly ever drank or experimented with other illegal substances, or did anything to excess. They carried around a basic “good” connotation. It was a common belief that these people were of strong character. Arriving at college and seeing these same upstanding high schoolers essentially go off the deep end and do everything to excess made me start to question; is someone acting morally if the only reason they are abstaining from a certain behavior or activity because they have been prohibited or not exposed to it? Another striking feature of going to college is the overwhelming sense that nobody knows you. Aside from the one other kid from my grade who came to the same college as I did, everyone was a stranger to me and I was a stranger to them. I think people are quickly hit with the realization that nobody knows anything about you. Not a thing about the mistakes of your past, or the accomplishments either, about the boyfriends you did or did not have, the friends you hung out with, or the activities in which you participated. Everyone had left their reputations behind them in high school and was suddenly presented with this amazing opportunity to start with a “clean slate.” During orientation week I and my fellow first years engaged in numerous “get to know each other” games in which we would share funny stories from home, something unique about ourselves, or maybe some of our interests. The temptation to embellish and portray oneself as a more exciting and interesting person was there, and many definitely took advantage of it. A few who I met during the first few weeks of school had their “stories from home” disproved shortly after in further conversation or in visits from people from home. I recently heard of a freshman fraternity pledge bragging to his fraternity brothers about how many girls he had slept with before he got to college. A good friend of mine who went to this boys’ school had told me, however, that this boy was not at all the reckless partier he had presented himself as when he was in high school and that in fact he really was not very social nor had he had contact with girls. This boy was trying so hard to impress his new constituents that he felt that he needed to exaggerate his past in order to impress them. The notion that everyone is a stranger became especially frightening at parties. As a freshman girl, I was warned not to take drinks from guys who handed them to me and other safety measures I should abide by. Everyone’s admonitions about fraternity boys led me to worry. Could I really trust no one? Have college environments turned into such places that everyone should be doubted? At home I had the comfort and security of knowing not only every guy in my 350 person high school, but probably their family as well. At college it was quite the opposite, but does that mean that I should have assumed that everyone had bad intentions? Surely it seems that not everyone I met in school would be immoral, but sadly I think the level has probably increased. Within my first couple weeks at school I noticed that there seems to be a uniform or code of appearance with the students, as is common at many universities. While not a direct dress code, there is definitely an implicit one. I know many girls who within the first few weeks of school had changed their wardrobes completely and molded to their new environment. My best friend from high school returned home after fall break clad in preppy name brands, with pearls in her ears, and her collar up, quite a break from her former laid back rugged style. It was surprising how her preppy New England school could change her style so quickly after a pretty consistent eighteen years. Another one of my good friends from high school returned home for fall break from her deeply southern school with an extreme southern accent. My friends and I all wondered if this was a façade or if her speech really had changed that much in only a few weeks. People seemed to change themselves in all sorts of ways after arriving in their new environments, many in superficial ways. I hardly thing clothing or accents can be moral issues, but they do relate to the greater question at hand of the morality of misrepresenting and not being true with yourself. Thinking about the transition from high school to college has brought up a few questions in my mind. Is it moral to reinvent yourself and portray yourself as something you are not or have not been in the past? Surely change is not immoral, and can many times be beneficial, but what about being deceitful? I think college is a sort of moral check point for many people. They get to decide which ideals they will champion, which virtues they will live by, and how they will present themselves to their new community. People are merely trying to define themselves. Experiences, choices, and interactions work together to create a sense of self for people. I believe a “self” is and always should be dynamic, changing and adapting as needed and as is appropriate. Sometimes this self exploration is done in dishonest or unethical ways. It is certainly not morally right to make up stories from the past in order to paint oneself in a certain light. At the same time it is not necessary to dispel everything from one’s history. Some things should be kept private, and not sharing this information is not lying or immoral. Another issue that came up during the first weeks of school was cordiality and civility towards people. The main thing I remember from the beginning weeks is how nice all the students were! When everyone is a stranger, thrown into the same boat, all looking for friends and a comfort zone, people are extremely friendly, perhaps even fake at times. I, myself, was definitely guilty of this. I would see people out at night and make small talk with anyone I recognized. In my mind, I knew that I would not be friends with all of these new acquaintances, but I think sub-consciously I wanted to ensure that I would find people I liked who would want to be friends with me as well. Sometimes I think I was just being polite, the way you are supposed to act when you meet new people, but when polite behavior reaches fakeness it is crossing a moral line. I do not think that being intentionally fake is ethically correct. Being polite and civil is wonderful, but being indiscriminately sugary sweet to everyone in order to ensure friendships for yourself is selfish and not ethical. Many of these relationships I had formed in the first couple weeks faded when I found a solid group of friends and I think I ended up hurting some people in the process, something I regret now. Consistent in all of these beginning of school behaviors is the concern and preoccupation with oneself. The theory of Egoism says that everyone always has their own self interest in mind and that is what drives their behavior. College freshmen seem to be acting in an egoistic manner, which perhaps is unavoidable. They change their appearance and mannerisms in order to feel comfortable in their new setting. They may explore new habits and actions for the same reason or to fulfill a formerly empty part of themselves. Is there a strict code of conduct people should follow when pursuing change and new activities though? People must grow and adapt in order to advance. Things happen in people’s lives that either force them to change or cause them to want to change. Sometimes these adjustments can make a person better. A criminal or once immoral person can resolve their wrong ways and grow to become a better person. At the same time, a person once of good character can lose his or her ideals and lose their strong sense of self. Change is great a lot of the time, but there is something very comforting about someone dependable and consistent. Looking back after a year of college I feel that I have grown in many ways. I am more independent and responsible. I hope that even though I have allowed myself to grow and change with my environment, I am still the same person I was when I left, with just a slightly trendier wardrobe now. SOURCES: 1) Rachels, James (2003) The Elements of Moral Philosophy. New York: The McGraw Hill Companies. |
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